Recession Santa?

This morning on my drive into work, I tuned into NPR as I usually do for a quick jolt of morning news and sentiment. No news was to be found, however, and in its stead public radio was running a Christmas special. At first, I quickly changed the channel, hoping to find a station that was not blasting Xmas tunes or romanticizing the story of JC. My efforts were for naught, and after a brief search through my presets, I came to the realization that public radio might well be my best option for audio entertainment. Lucky for me, the story that was playing when I tuned back in was not only amusing, but laugh out loud funny.

The account was narrated by an unfamiliar raspy voice (I know most of the hosts by instant diction recognition!) that intrigued me, and was initially what sucked me in to the narrative. Ill briefly rehash the story for you... The main character is an 'elf' in one of those deranged Santa scenes that can be found throughout America at your local Shopping Mall, Kmart, or wherever frenzied mothers and maniacal children are found. The narrator begins to describe her experiences at work, but it was one scene that truly made the whole narrative.

On this particular occasion, the elf(narrator) was working the cash register on a decidedly busy afternoon. After taking her pictures with Santa, a young girl is bawling while her mother is trying to pay for lap services rendered. The mother leans down to the young girl and says, "If you don't stop crying, Santa won't bring you any toys, and instead he will bring you a lump of coal!" The girl protests that Santa has already told her that she was going to get everything that she wanted.

At this point the mother leans over to the elf at the register, and insists that she explain the way Christmas 'works' to her daughter. Seizing the opportunity to brighten her day, Ms. Elf looks down at the ankle biter and says, "Santa has a new policy this year: If you are naughty, instead of leaving you coal, which is a precious resource, Santa will steal from you. Hes going to steal all your toys, and sell them on Ebay." The mother, with a horrified look on her face, promptly pays and leaves while explaining to her daughter that what the elf had said was not true.

This got me thinking: What if Santa really did adjust his tactics to the economic climate? Would this 'recession Santa' actually come to your house, do his 'ho ho ho' song and dance, and then rob you blind? Just by imagining the scene that would ensue, I can't help but chuckle to myself.

Santa: Alright Blitzen and Comet, go grab all the expensive electronics you can find. Make sure you grab that new plasma TV, it will look great in my den!

Reindeer: But Santa, we don't have any thumbs, how are we supposed to carry all this stuff?
..........................Recession Santa would quickly find out that reindeer, while excellent at guiding his sleigh, are poor henchmen at best........................

Be safe and happy this holiday, and remember to count your blessings. Remember that we are blessed to be with loved ones and family around the holidays, and that we should savor these moments as if they may never happen again. Know that even if you can't be with the ones you hold dear this Holiday season, that they are thinking about you, and care for you deeply. Moreover, remember that we are truly lucky that Santa is a jolly fellow, and that his reindeer don't have opposable appendages.

A.S. Bloom